June 7, 2024It has been a year since our beloved Raylan left us, and for the last year, I have been trying to find the right words to describe the emotional pain, suffering, anger, and grief. I felt this last year over such a big loss for me. Losing a pet is never easy, but when they pass on at such a young age over something that can be absolutely preventable, it takes a toll on you.
I will never forget the phone call that my father placed to me while I was working and taking by annual inventory of convenience store items, I had a jug of oil in my hand, and I got that call at 17:55 saying "hey buddy, Raylan's in the hospital, he swallowed a lacrosse ball, and you need to prepare yourself for the fact that he may not make the night". My heart immediately sank. I didn't know what to do in that moment, so I tried calling my mother, who adored that dog more than absolutely anyone, and I did not get an answer. My sister was at dance lessons when she got the call, And I tried texting her, but I did not hear anything. An hour later, my dad called me back and said "he's not going to make it Zachary" and I asked to FaceTime to say goodbye.
It was 18:51 when we join the FaceTime call as a family with both my parents at the animal emergency room, and I can still remember excusing myself to go into the back room and sitting next to the office door, bawling my eyes out, uncontrollably, weeping, as I get to hear both my parents on the other end doing the same thing. It was over at 18:56. I couldn't remember what exactly happened afterward, I don't really remember the next couple months after that because I went down a very deep and dark hole that I was able to get myself out of, but the hurt and pain of losing him so young and because he was so influential to me will always be there.
To my dearest Raylan. To this day, I continue to miss you and remember all of the good times we had, and on the other hand, I ask myself "why did this happen?" "How could it have happened this way" and was there anyway else that it could have ended, and I always come back to the same response of "I don’t know". I wish I just had that one more moment with you, that one last picture so I can say goodbye formally, and not over a screen. I still wish I could have been there to hold you while they said their final goodbyes, and it still hurts, and always will. I miss you buddy, always have and always will.
My father has always told me that everything happens for a reason. I never understood the true meaning until that day a year ago today. While I still may be angry and question what the hell happened, I have recently learned to not let go, but move on from this horrible incident.
I love you, Punk. We'll meet again. Don't know where, don't know when. But I know we'll meet again some sunny day.
UPDATE: June 10th, 2023Thank you all for the wonderful phone calls, hugs, and text messages (I even got a few emails sent to our hosting@hlhidks.net account). My family & I are incredibly grateful for the sympathy as we do our best to move on (but not forget) from this terrible tragedy. We loved that dog more than anything, and even when he was a pain in the ass, he was still a member of our Tribe. I will be forever grateful to have had him in my life in the short years he lived, because he may have only been here five short years, but he will be in our hearts and our minds for all eternity.
I know this will be difficult for myself and my family, due to the nature of his death, but knowing he is not in any pain any longer brings somewhat of a smile to my face. Rest up & easy, my baby Punky...
- Zach
I cannot believe I am typing this, or even thinking about it. It saddens and physically pains me to say this but my beloved family dog, Raylan passed away today (June 7th) at only five years old. Supposedly, he swallowed a lacrosse ball (he normally plays with those) and it blocked his windpipes. When he was taken to the hospital, I was working when I got a call saying he was not going to make it, and I sat in the back room for 15 minutes crying my eyes out. This can't be happening...I gave him the name "Punky" because it was another dog's name, and my mother called him that by accident, and since then on it rang in my head as something he could be nicknamed. His actual name was from a TV show, "Justified". When I first met him, I could feel his warmth and coziness in my arms as I sang to him. He squirmed a little bit but eventually calmed down because he knew he was safe in my arms. But that didn't last long, because he grew to be well over a hundred pounds, and by then I am not even that strong enough to hold him! That memory of singing to him that night knowing he would forever change me, will always be with me until the day I die.
Punky was not an ordinary dog to say the least. I will always remember his love for getting his ball stuck under the couch, and sitting there for COUNTLESS hours trying to get it out. He would also pretend he was a cat, and try to play with our other two cats and they would have none of it. Hell, the girl one batted and attacked him just for fun while hissing and screaming, and we all got a good laugh at that. After a few seconds we would separate them. Eventually it turned into playful fighting, and we knew. They were gentle with each other.
Punky, I will forever miss you and your playful yips, your love for the dummy you would probably travel miles for, and most of all, I'll miss your cuddles at night, and during the day. My life has been shattered, and to be honest, I'm not sure how I am going to recover from this. I love you brother. Say hi to Sam for me...
- Zach